I have always been a morning person – early to rise, and early to bed. I wake up all smiles and ready to go! My husband, on the other hand, used to wake up grumpy as a bear. Avoiding him was the way to go if you wanted to keep the peace.
However, later in the day, he would suddenly discover his sense of humor and a hidden source of energy to which I was not privy. I would be fast asleep by the time he came home in the evenings – bashing doors, putting on lights, and disrupting the whole household. Then he would drop off to sleep, leaving me to try and find a semblance of calm and hopefully drift back to sleep.
If you can relate, it might be time to consider a sleep divorce.
The chronotype sleep
All humans yield to a 24-hour pattern or rhythm, called the circadian rhythm. This rhythm is controlled by a tiny internal 24-hour biological clock named the chiasmatic nucleus, which serves as a conductor to all our biological rhythms – including sleep and wakefulness.
Although this is true for every human, our patterns are not necessarily alike. There are at least twenty-two genes that determine whether we are morning or evening types (aka our chronotype).
Some people wake up early and have no problem with it. They function best in the early hours of the day. However, sleepiness arrives early at night. These morning types make up 40% of the population and are known as “morning larks”.
For 30% of the population, the opposite is true. For them, sleepiness arrives later in the evening. In fact, should they go to bed earlier they will likely lie awake until late. As a result, if left to wake up naturally, it would be later in the morning – sometimes even early afternoon. These individuals are known as the “night owls” and their late rising is a result of their personal rhythms and is often not a choice.
What about the remaining 30% of the population? They are somewhere between the morning and evening types, mostly having a slight tendency to the evening type.
Fighting chronotype sleep
Your sleep/wake preferences are genetically ingrained and not a conscious choice. But what if your sleeping partner is a different chronotype than you?
If your partner is not waking you by coming to bed later (or waking up early), there should be no issue regarding your sleep. However, if your partner is waking you, and consequently disrupting your sleep cycles, this will have a detrimental effect on aspects like energy, focus, and cognitive function to name a few.
Approximately a third of couples who break up cite sleeping problems as a contributing factor. One of the most common causes of sleep tension in couples is mismatched chronotypes!
The sleep divorce
If this is a matter of concern in your relationship, it might be time to consider the notion of a “sleep divorce.” Admittedly this can be a touchy subject and it is not for everyone. A sleep divorce is where you sleep in separate locations.
Surveys done in both the UK and the USA have delivered the same data – about one in four people admit to sleeping in separate locations. Surveys done with anonymous participants suggest that this number can be even higher, as people will often admit to waking in a different location, having moved during the night due to a partner disturbing them.
The reason this is such a sensitive subject is that people think that if they are not sharing a bed, they are not being intimate either. Here the exact opposite is true. It is a known fact that people who sleep better have better sex drives. Better sleep improves the production of sex hormones, leading to a greater desire to be intimate with their partners.
The challenge here is that you are not going to bed together. That said, if you were sharing a bed, would you be going to bed together if you have different chronotypes? So, the real challenge is setting time apart to be intimate, and not the fact that you aren’t sharing a bed. This should be much easier to accomplish if you both have an increased desire to be intimate!
Although suggesting a sleep divorce may seem daunting, it may be just the thing to keep you from an actual divorce.
Mouth taping
Unfortunately, differing chronotypes are often not the only sleep challenges we face. Some of us pair up with a restless snoring bear. Suddenly a sleep divorce does not sound that bad, does it?
However, not all partners are open to sleeping in separate locations. Mouth taping has shown to be a potential solution to issues such as mouth breathing and/or snoring. This practice involves taping the mouth shut with soft, gentle adhesive tape (no, not duct tape!) to encourage nasal breathing.
Mouth taping is said to help maintain optimal oral posture. It may also lead to enhanced oxygenation and reduced snoring, promoting a deeper and more restful sleep.
Some people may indeed benefit from this practice, but not all can tolerate the idea of not being able to breathe through the mouth. As always, a little experimentation is needed if you would like to implement this practice.
Supplements
Not all partners are open to change, even if it is at your expense. If you are a light sleeper and easily disturbed, or if you struggle to fall asleep when disturbed, the good news is that a supplement or two can make all the difference.
PrimeSelf is a new-age health and wellness company dedicated to providing smart, functional, and effective supplements that enhance health, wellness, and performance (and sleep!) Their focus is quality and integrity – this means no ineffective dosages, arbitrary ingredients, unnecessary fillers, banned substances, and no proprietary blends.
If you are looking to become a better, healthier, and higher-performing version of yourself, PrimeSelf is designed for you! A bonus is that these supplements are affordable for South Africans too! Do yourself a favor and look for yourself.
https://primeself.co.za?sca_ref=5264036.Gnm3LATN6p (affiliated link)
(If you are specifically interested in supplements for enhanced sleep, just type the word “sleep” in the search bar to view their range of products.)
Takeaway
Hopefully, I have opened your eyes to a few possibilities regarding your sleep troubles. Fighting and complaining, or just ignoring it, is not the solution to any problem. Ignoring the problem will not make it go away.
Think about it, do something about it, and sleep well.
Esté Bell, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine, Columnist Expert Profile Magazine,
Esté Bell is a holistic health and nutrition coach with a specific interest in sleep, stress, and recovery management. As a teenager she developed disordered eating habits, followed by a diagnosis with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome a couple of years later. The resulting health and weight management issues led to a passion for holistic nutrition and the desire to help others transform their health.
It was during her marriage to an emotionally abusive alcoholic that she personally experienced the importance of sleep, and stress, and recovery management.
She is the CEO of LevelUp Nutrition, based in South Africa, and has dedicated her life to encouraging, equipping, and empowering her clients to make change happen.
